If Wishes Were Horses, I'd Have a Full Stable

Since we've entered August, I'm about ready to start the back to school countdown.

Surprisingly, I think Mr. Smarty Pants may be going back to traditional school too.

I don't want him to, but I think we need him to. Broke is broke. I am back on the job hunt again.

It feels mildly ridiculous.

I have no childcare in summer. None. My in-laws go to Norway as soon as my father-in-law stops teaching for the year. At that point, we have no one to watch Mr. Autism. There's summer camp, but it's existence is pretty precarious, and the 9 to 3 hours are not like any work schedule I'd be likely to find. There's no full day summer programs for kids like him in our area. There's not a daycare in the area that could take him. I wouldn't make more than I would have to pay a qualified individual to stay with him in our home (assuming I could find one).

And yet, here I am, looking for a full-time job. It's madness. I have been told, "We'll work something out when the time comes."

But.... how? It hasn't been possible for both of us to work since Mr. Autism was diagnosed. Instantly, he was untouchable by any preschool or, later, after school care provider. It's one of the strongest reasons I earned my ESE teaching certificate and tried that, so that I'd be home with him in the summer.

I'm not going back to that. I respect my sanity too much.

Mr. Smarty Pants can cope with regular school. It's not the best choice for him, but if it were only him to consider, it wouldn't really be the issue.

Someone has to take Mr. Autism to his myriad of doctor appointments, blood work draws, dental check-ups, etc. Someone has to get him on the bus, get him off the bus, and get him his Speech and Occupational therapies four times a week. When he gets sick, and stays sick for weeks, someone has to stay with him and take care of him, since things can turn dangerous very quickly with his strange immune system. When school has a day off (or a vacation), there's no childcare alternative. Someone has to go to IEP meetings, and very regular parent conferences and behavior plan conferences.

Being a mother is a full-time job, and one I am proud of. Being the mother of a child with special needs is a particularly demanding job, that requires time off, flexible scheduling and a lot of understanding. Who in their right mind would hire me?

So I am right now praying for a resolution that doesn't involve me needing to go back to work full-time. I wish the book was finished and I had a big fat advance sitting in the bank account. I wish we'd win the lottery already and be set for life.

I wish my beloved geek hadn't taken the "promotion" that has actually turned out to be a huge decrease in pay.