Day 1, All Over Again

The 2012/2013 school year has begun. My summer was not as productive in the writing department as I had originally hoped. Another round with shingles and more administrative duties than I expected ate away the weeks. No regrets. I love knowing the work I do makes the school a (hopefully) better place for our students and teachers.

Well, one regret. I hate getting shingles. It is my personal working theory that shingles are God's way of telling me to prioritize my life better. As this is my 3rd round, I don't seem to be getting the message. I will try harder for balance.

Part of this striving for balance is to try to incorporate writing into my daily routine. My ultimate goal is for writing to be my career, my daily job. It's not that I don't love education. I do, and always will. I suppose I am blessed to have two strong passions. One of them is a little easier on my body with my health issues and easier for my complicated family.

It is hard to schedule time to write and have the energy and mental wherewithal to follow through with that schedule. It is hard in summer. It is hard during school vacations. It is hard while school is in session.

It is hard to write when the television is on. It is hard to write when I'm lost in my garden. It is hard to write when I'm lazing in the bathtub soaking away stress with favorite books, old and new. It is hard to write when I'm surfing memebase and The Daily What and Huffington Post and education blogs and newsgroups. It is hard to write when I need to find "Call Me Maybe" parodies using clips from my favorite tv series and movies.

My commitment needs to be to change my habits gradually. I want to commit to writing 189 days a year. Sounds like a low number right? I should aim for 365, right?

Wrong. That approach has never worked for me. I start out strong, lose a day or two and then figure I've screwed up the whole thing, struggle with complex feelings of guilt and self-doubt and laziness and walk away. All or nothing ends up being next to nothing.

There's something special about 189 days. It's the number of school days I work in my current contract. My new goal is relatively simple. Every day I work for school, I want to work for myself, by writing. This still gives me weekends, school vacations, and summer break "off" - the mental break I need to sustain my peace of mind and keep my family running smoothly.

There are television shows I don't need to watch- entire seasons of reality tv that will not falter for my lack of attention. I waste time I don't have. Working at the school and writing plus keeping us in clean clothes and a somewhat clean house with a reasonable amount of groceries in the fridge comes before Netflix and the DVR.

The river monsters will still be there. If they ever find a real ghost, my husband will save the program for me. I don't need to be involved in that process. I will see the new Food Network stars once they have shows. Antiques Roadshow will still be there, later. I can watch whole seasons of tv shows at once, in the summertime. I need to prioritize, and I won't give up books or my garden. I don't have to crochet. I have other dreams. The yarn can wait.

189 days.

I can totally do this.

Wish me luck.