Garden Therapy

I should be immersing myself in the writing experience right now and working on The Beast*.

I should be reading books about writing, dreaming of writing, stealing minutes to go write, and filled with an all-consuming drive to "be the author" (whatever that means- it sounds good, right?).

I'm not, right now. You see, I'm feeling a little beat down, worn out by life, sorry for myself. That doesn't really translate well in your typical superhero-themed young adult fiction book. I'm not in a great place, emotionally, as hard and strange as it is to admit that. I'm a little overwhelmed by my life.

I could probably be writing Emo songs. Yes, it's that bad. I am taking my life that seriously, struggling with optimism, wanting to whine. The last few pages I wrote were only slightly more cheerful than "The Bell Jar", and I'm not trying to write that kind of book. So I need to fix my brain so that I can write the kind of book that I want to write, not that this funk wants me to write.

I have to get right in my head. I could hit the bottle, but it tends to hit back. Anti-depressants? No, but thanks. They zombify me.**

So what do I do?

Head for the garden, in a rather serious way.

I have already been working in the garden, playing nicely for a few months, but I am ramping it up. You see, the soil soothes me. The big IDEAS, the noble intentions, the earth-saving-buck-the-system-hippie-dippiness of self-sufficiency are exciting me. Plus, hey, we're broke. Who doesn't want to save some money on their grocery bill***?

There's something to be said for the power of digging, hauling, yanking weeds out of the ground and harvesting the fruits of your labor to give you a little all-natural high.

We are turning our backyard into a full vegetable garden, instead of a backyard with a few garden beds.

Feeling frustrated? Aggravated with the world? Wrestle it out with a stubborn soaker hose that will. not. follow. your. plan! Shovel your anger away with each load of free mulch from the city!

What I hope and pray is that this project will burn out some of the unhappy, unhealthy emotions and bring me back to the normal "pretty much okay" mental space that I occupy.

I want to finish my book. I haven't given up. Clearing up my head is just part of the process.

*Not the actual title. Yet.

**Disclaimer: this only applies to me. Do not let me discourage you from trying them. In fact, I encourage you to consult with your properly licensed and educated and whatnot medical care provider if you are having any symptoms of depression. Obviously I have tried the medication route, otherwise I would not know that I get zombified. Ain't no shame. It's chemistry, people.

***Two book recommendations so far:

"The Urban Homestead: Your Guide to Self-Sufficient Living in the Heart of the City" by Kelly Coyne and Erik Knutzen

"Gardening When It Counts" by Steve Solomon

Read "The Urban Homestead" first for the big picture and some small-scale ideas. Read "Gardening" when you're really digging in the dirt.